Dying in the Wait

Prior to my complete surrender to the Lord, I would have thought this title was a bad thing.

It sounds like a process that is indicative of something being wrong; very wrong.

On this side of surrender, I understand that this is supposed to occur.

In the vast expanse of the wait, where there seems to no end, no boundaries, no markers, death begins to make its move.

It sweeps over every aspect of your life and being.

Your flesh full of its wants and desires, your emotions filled with anxieties and worries, your hope in the heart that has moved past sickness into the hands of death, your actions which are no longer haphazard or frantic but subdued and submitted. 

Death passes over to kill you.

What will take your place? Who will take your place?

Only God knows. 

You simply wait until even death passes over wait and you merely exists.

I am left with the sobering reality that in the wait, death is to wash over all that was so that new birthing can take place.

It is the flood that wiped everything out to start anew.

It is though the hard drive of my once full life and being are being deleted in order to make space for the new life and being to be written on it.

Will I like the new contents on the hard drive of my new life and self?

Is the goal even to like it or is even the concept of like to be captured away in death.

Disappearing, fading away, dissolving are all fruit of deaths Passover.

When will I allow it to finally happen instead of reaching for the peices of it?

Lord, I need you to teach me how.

How can you place something where something already has place?

We need to decrease so that Christ in us can increase.

The Lord needs us to remove all fears of nothingness, of becoming nothing.

We need to finally let go and allow the flood to wash us completely away,

The flood is at the command of the Father so even being swept away by the flood, we are completely safe and protected.

Feeling empty inside?

Great!

The Lord emptied Himself to and made Himself nothing, a servant.

This is the process we are going through today as we are being formed into the image of the Son. 

Lord,

Help us to let go of the weight that so beset us. Help us to let go of our attachments to this world, this life, our identities. Let us partner with your agent death to kill what the world has formed by Satan using man as tools. Give us fresh new starts. Give us kingdom identities, lives and relationships. Restore us back to your original design. Let us not fight the killing off of what no longer serves us but let us lean into the flood and be swept away. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

From Jesus:

You are headed in the right direction. It takes time to fully understand what is going on and what is required. The more you surrender; the more will be revealed. Your surrender and obedience shows that you are ready for more profound revelation of spiritual matters yet to be revealed to the earthly, carnal man. Come up higher by going lower. Humble yourself before me and I will exalt you in wisdom and understanding, giftings and the Kingdom. You are ready. Keep going, not higher Jennifer, lower. The pathway to ascension, to coming up higher is to go lower. If you go lower, I will bring you up higher.