Revelation

I am coming out of the dark place I was in and seeing a bit of the light. Suffering last for a night but joy comes in the morning.

Assessing where I was and where God desires me to go from here will be worked out, to the degree of His will, in this post.

I feel as though I am capped for suffering. Like, I cant go any further into the depths of suffering. When the attempt is made to go deeper into the pit of suffering, I dwell on the fact that I am already in the midst of so much lack that my soul simply is not in the right place to any further.

See I want to get closer to Jesus. I want to see Him and get lost with Him.

But now the revelation just hit.

We meet Him in the suffering. He wants me to meet Him at the place of suffering. Wow…

This is where I join Him on the cross. This is where I am crucified with Him.

I keep running from the suffering. It is where He is leading me.

To suffer. I gave up, walked away from, turned my back on many things- but did it cause suffering?

My inability to suffer will keep me just outside of all the things I am asking the Lord for. Intimacy with Him at this point is on the cross.

How much do I love Him? How much do I love you?

How though? How do I know time and time again, I can take a further step into suffering as I have tried so many times and failed all while knowing I must?

How do I keep trying knowing that I keep turning away and even against you and set back in my walk with you and purpose? I feel like I have tried everything and I cant make it over the hump. What do I do?

From Jesus:

Try again.