After my day, (check out my previous post- Love On Assignment), I am feeling ashamed. There is so much need in the world. People are hurting and destroying themselves. Today, I witnessed hundreds of people in the grips of bondage. Confusion, torment, addiction, hopelessness, loneliness was clearly visible as though the person had surrendered and retreated to the background and the spirit of evil had taken their place at the forefront.
It seemed as though they knew this had taken place, they wanted to get free, but they simply felt powerless to do so. As a result, they had accepted defeat. What I realized was that Jesus wants to send people in- those that are bearing His name- to go and retrieve them showing them the way out.
Yet Here I am, in my bed overfed, in my right mind, without an issue in my body full of complaint and worry as though I don’t know who my God is or what He is doing.
The Lord is desiring to use me for His lost and broken hearted and wants to train me but all I can do is keep the focus on me, my needs and wants. I'm so ashamed in this moment and I repent.
It makes me want to give my life to Him again and surrender afresh.
The Lord knew what I needed at this point in the journey to keep me going. He knew the sight of brokenness would snap me out of my carnality that was beginning to creep in and take over.
Oh Lord, use me to free them. Show me how. If this is all my life will ever amount to, once again, I lay that life before you; it is yours.
From Jesus:
This is a journey we take together. I know what you need when you need it. I know how far you can be stretched, when to give you rest and when to redirect and course correct. As you say Jennifer “there is nothing too hard for God, not even you”. You are not too hard for Me, and I know exactly how to get you to my expected end. Trust Me. Do not wallow in shame. Receive the conviction, repent and keep moving forward. I love you and know your heart. This is not an easy process it was never meant to be easy, only purposeful.
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