Pride...still?

Where am I today? What is the truth about today?

I am surrendered.

I feel the Lord’s presence heavily.

I am moving with caution to make sure that I stay in alignment with God.

I am partnering with God to ensure I honor and embrace His process His way.

I had an epiphany.

I am still not humble. My situation is the worst it has ever been (in the natural sense) and I am still not humble. I have been through so much how has it not humbled me?

My resume is oh so great.

Who cares? What did it amount to? I’m sleeping in my car.

Oh I have given up everything.

Yeah, only because I had no other choice, I was dragged kicking and screaming most of the time and because of the grace of God.

I can get out of this and fix this whole situation in a heartbeat. I choose to let God do this.

I can do nothing apart from God.

I find myself continually trying to separate and rise above the less fortunate people I am one of but just refuse to open my eyes too.

When I discuss my situation, there is this air of superiority that I am recognizing and developing an aversion too.

I even found myself thinking "if God puts me in another prison, I bet it's because He wants me to run it and I’m going to run the heck out of it!!"

The audacity

This is my problem: arrogance, pride, know-it-all ness (if that’s a word), over confidence.

But it’s also my solution.

1) The reason why I have only gotten so far with God is because of my arrogance, over confidence and pride.

“ I have options, I don’t have too” mentality, so I quit when it gets hard and difficult.

2) As God continues to stretch and try me, I feel as though I can't go any lower because I have already gone as far as I can. I get upset with God because I feel like why is there more? Why is this process not over yet?

But when I look at my remaining pride, arrogance and over confidence, I know why. It helps me to understand that there is still more work to be done and more time needed.

I don't just have to be in the process, I have to surrender to it. I have to do more than just be humbled; I have to humble myself.

I must decrease so the Lord can decrease in my life.

I have never embraced anyone of humility to learn from them so that I can understand what humility even looks like in action. But I have the ultimate example in Jesus Christ.

Lord, teach me humility in your process, your way.

From Jesus:

You are learning. Each day you are growing in this process. Stop watching the clock. Enjoy each day for what it offers. Know I don’t waste a day or a moment of your time. Lay down your will, your ways and open yourself up to walk in Mine. I will show you the way. Continue to seek Me. I will reveal to you, Me.

Do you see Jennifer? This is a call to become more like Me.

All that you are doing is to make you more like me in character, heart, action and deed.

This was your prayer remember,

“ I want to be your hands and feet in the world”

“Make me more like you Jesus”

In many ways, Jennifer you have been and are becoming. Yes, we still have more work to do but know, we will always have more work to do until you meet with me in heaven.

I am proud of you and our journey together. Me and my Jenny. Let’s keep going.