Playing Catch Up

I have fully brought into my new identity in Christ-who God has called me to be.

Although I don't feel I am that person today, each day I try to live into it.

I take intentional steps to step into her, discarding the old and embracing the new.

What I have taken notice of today is a separation between her and me.

I see her moving in front of me and I am behind her in hot pursuit trying desperately to catch her.

The problem is she remains elusive, just out of reach.

Once I believe I caught her, she slips out of reach.

As I minister, I am a way. When I stop, I struggle to remain in that way,

In no means is it due to a lack of effort, belief or desire.

I'm her and then I'm not. She slips away.

Is this intentionally done by the Lord to continue to challenge me to become more?

What is meant of this dissonance between me and her?

What will it take for me to not don her but to become her?

The pursuit has become discouraging like a carrot dangling out of reach, desiring to settle instead for what is available.

In this moment, in my weakness I grow tired of being led by but never grab hold of the tool used to entice me in my journey.

What was once a thrill has become mundane and monotonous.

I dare say those words out loud.

Another day of more with less.

What just happened to the girl in hot pursuit?

In this moment, I seemed to have lost her too.

From Jesus:

Why don't you listen to me? Why didn't you fight back as I have said?

Separate yourself from the girl who accepts warfare and come into agreement with the warrior you are and you will surpass the woman you are chasing.