My Utter Shame and Repentance

Who am I to believe that the cross is not worthy of me?

Who am I to believe that there is not a cross for me or that I am above a cross?

I praise God today that I have a cross to bear; 

that Jesus Christ has found me worthy to join Him in His suffering.

I became convicted in the wee hours of the night.

I was so engrossed in my comforts and wants, my perceived needs, that I lost sight of the necessity and joy of the cross.

See the cross is not for everyone.

Christianity is assessable to everyone as many are called.

But few are chosen.

People submit to Christianity with naivety and ignorance.

People become disciples and choose to walk the narrow road paying the costs that only few will.

Even in the few, Jesus reveals the fullness of the cross over time.

Who is worthy of the cross?

Peter knew the value as he said crucify me upside down as I am not worthy to die in the same manner of my Lord.

Can everyone endure intense hardship and suffering under the hand of God?

God gave His son over to the cross.

God gives His children over to suffering.

Jesus shows us, like Paul, how we have been chosen to suffer for His name.

Suffering isn't just for us. It is for Him.

We take up our cross as our reasonable duty for the Lord and oh How the Lord trusts us with a cross.

It is such an intimate offering.

Through the cross, Jesus conquered death itself, broke the power of sin.

It was through the cross that His obedience was complete-until the point of death.

It was through the cross that His purpose was fulfilled.

And He offers that cross to us.

Who will dare to bear it?

Who will dare to carry it?

Only those that truly love Jesus.

That doesn't mean that this will be done with ease nor perfection.

In my shame and repentance for the rant about feelings yesterday focused all on me,

I came to realize that even Jesus' cross got too heavy for Him to carry and needed help.

Even Jesus was sweating blood as He did not want to go to the cross and prayed three times for it to be taken from Him.

Because we are challenged by the cross, only shows that we are actually carrying it.

The disciples were able to fall asleep at Jesus greatest need because they did not have a cross to face (at the time.)

As I reflect, I repent for looking down on the cross I have been chosen to bear.

It is not that the cross is unworthy of me. It is that I am unworthy of the cross.

Today, I thank God for my cross.

It proves to me that I have been chosen; that I am His very own.

It is validation that I am truly in Christ.

It is confirmation that I am on the narrow road.

It is my receipt for the costs, by the help of the Holy Spirit, I have paid to be His disciple.

It is my badge of Honor that stamps me as God's child.

Praise God for my cross.

May I learn to cherish it always.

Through my cross that I must bear, Father complete your work in me.

From Jesus:

The work you have been called to do is through the cross Jennifer. There is no other way. You have to learn to accept your cross or you will always look at it with disdain and look for every opportunity to discard it. Absorb the cross into your identity, let it become you. Let it humble and break you. Take on the very attributes of the cross and see how it transforms you. If you will allow it, if you will surrender to it, the cross will sanctify into my image. It will humble you, empty you, make you nothing and transform you into a servant. Let the cross do its work. Bear your cross with honor.