Learning Each Day

What I am discovering in my walk with the Lord,

is that the more I walk with him the less I actually know.

What I think I know about the Lord, about the devil about this spiritual realm, about the earthly realm, about who it is that I am,

is minuscule to what actually is.

The moment I think I have a handle on my current reality, my past, my future,

more is revealed to me.

As more is revealed to me, I am understanding what is at stake.

There truly is a war that is taking place. This war between good and evil exist not just outside of me, but exist within me.

There is this war with the flesh and with the spirit that I have known so little of as I have fallen into so many traps of the enemy unknowingly, and to my shame, many knowingly,

but I’ve also have arrived and accomplished great things for the Lord and have had many successes.

I have come to realize that I cannot live life haphazardly;

that I cannot have a shallow, spiritual walk

My truth is 

that my whole life, my whole existence has really been grounded on the things of this world, on the natural things I can touch with the faint belief in God and His power.

When I look at what has allowed me to become all that I have become and to get to this point,

my religiosity makes me wanna say "it’s all Jesus", but my truth is that I have relied more on the flesh and even still what the Lord has done with my flesh,

with little emphasis on the spirit of God.

Right now, I have come to a place where I’m tired. I am tired of getting tossed to and fro.

I am tired of getting tossed from identity to identity.

I am tired of being sucked into the world then being rescued in the spirit, then being sucked back into the flesh once again.

I am tired of stopping and starting and quitting in persevering.

I just wanna belong to God and walk consistently and continually on the path that He has for me.

This is going to require me to not just go to an entirely different place that I’ve ever been.

I’ve realized this is the easy part.

It is to remain there in in order to remain there, I am going to have to fight.

I am going to have to establish things with the Lord and I am going to have to fight and commit to remain there each day.

I take off what is of this world what is of ease what is of comfort

and I don Christ.

Today, I come out of double mindedness, out of waywardness, out of this one day in and one day out,

and fully lock me into the things of God.

I need to do this today because I understand that I am at war.

I am at war with the enemy.

I am at war with myself.

I’m at war with

ease

comfort

security 

familiarity

and unless I stand up and fight back, the war will never end.

I’m tired and I’m exhausted, but I have to fight so that I can win.

The battle has worn me out, but the truth is I haven’t been fighting to win.

I’ve been fighting just to get by, and I’ve been losing that battle each day.

I have been feeling like I’ve been losing my mind.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been losing at ministry.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been losing everything that’s important to me.

I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my resources.

Why?

Because I’m losing against this enemy coming against me because I am too busy surrendering to my flesh and not to the spirit.

It is the spirit that’s going to win this war.

It is the spirit that is going to fight.

It is prayer.

It is worship.

It is fasting.

It is to continue to walk on the path that God has me on in complete surrender to Him that will win this victory.

The battle that I’ve been fighting, I’ve been fighting with the wrong weapons.

I’ve been fighting with natural means, and I need to fight with spiritual means.

Join me today as I fight the good fight of faith, letting the spirit lead.

Holy Spirit:

Jennifer,

You have to understand that this portion of your life requires something different. You are embarking on a stage that you have not entered into yet. It is going to require a type of fight that you haven’t had to fight before. Where you have been at before only required so much of you. Where you are going will require all of you. It will require prayer like never before; fasting like never before; worshiping like never before; being in my presence like never before, because you will be used like never before. You didn’t know what you were up against, but now you do. There is a war that needs to be fought, and it is time that you started fighting it. I know you’re tired. I know you’re exhausted. I know that you are battle fatigued and battle worn and the last thing you want right now is a fight. We don’t often ask for fights. We don’t often ask for battles. Often times they find us, and we have no choice but to defend ourselves. Know, that as you rise up and defend yourself, that you rise up in victory and you have already won. I have already given you the victory! Stand in it. Remain in it, and you shall overcome. Today you fight, and you teach others to do the same.