Getting my fight back

In this moment, I am joyfully surrendered to the Lord.

Heavy emphasis on “this moment”.

I know these moments can be fleeting. As I say this I’m reminded of the cycle.

Fully submitted, surrendered in joy and in love with the Lord, having abandoned all cares and needs in this life, fully trusting God.

I love these moments. I crave them. I stand in my Proverbs 31 womanhood as I laugh in the face of the storm.

I feel better than powerful, strong, courageous, bold, me. I feel surrendered. I don’t know about you but there is nothing better than being in the perfect will of God.

Just knowing that you are walking in the steps of the Lord. Resting and settling into Jesus feels so good as my place in heaven as one that is known by Jesus is secured.

I just want to hold onto this moment. I just want it to be my lifestyle.

But my truth is…

I want to feel this when I am tried, tested, stretched; when I’m experiencing spiritual warfare, when I feel forsaken by all and God.

I am ashamed thinking of how I act in these moments. It's as though I forget and refuse to see all of whom my loving Heavenly Father is, all the lessons Jesus has taught me and abandon the holy spirit.

Why, when everything hits the fan, when it really counts, when I need the Lord the most, can't I simply stay in Him, remain in Him, abide in Him?

I want to be crucified in Him. For the self to die safely in His arms. But when it gets hard, I run. My heart turns, hardens and grows cold.

Sometimes it's hard and I laugh; sometimes it's hard and I turn.

The difference I need to see, is the work of satan.

I feel like Paul- I want to do good but there is something at work in me...

Satan afflicts to the point of oppression and when I fail to use my discernment and simply allow him to wreak havoc in my soul, I board the train moving away from the cross rapidly.

Thankfully, Jesus always comes after me.

In this season, my mission is to start my day surrendered afresh to God, renewing my mind, getting into, standing and remaining in the will of God.

Any slight desire to deviate will not go unchecked.

It is time to start using my weapons:

 “pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” II COR 10:3-6

Why have I not been doing that? Why have I not been using my weapons? Why have I not been putting on my armor?

I have been using the excuses of “I’m tired; I’m exhausted; I can’t; I just been through too much”

But honestly, it’s just laziness, spiritual laziness.

Oh, that hurt.

It’s time to trade my work out in the gym for my workout in the spirit.

I need to use the same discipline, commitment, perseverance and grit I use in my health and fitness endeavors, in my spiritual life.

Oh, I gave fallen off spiritually, ouch.

That’s it. Jesus let’s go. Holy spirit, I’m ready. Time to get after it. There is no excuse to be spiritually lazy.

I always say, “the work don’t start until it gets hard”. Well now I need to apply this to my spiritual walk. I feel I am going to regret this thought as I begin to type it but I AINT SCARED.

I am looking for the hard so I can show it that it has no power over me. I am ready to push through it and through Christ defeat it by bulldozing through it with complete and total surrender to Jesus. I will let the hard not turn me but drive me deeper into the arms of Jesus.

Lord, I coming after you with all I have. I am ready to meet you where you said you are waiting, on the other side of my all. See you soon.

From Jesus:

YES!!!!!!Jennifer, no turning back this time. No way but forward. Destiny awaits us. Today let’s go. Pack up your faith, the word, prayer, fasting, worship surrender, love and obedience and let’s go. You don’t need what you can hold in your hands, only what you can hold in your heart. This is it, Jennifer. This is the time. I have plans for you and it’s time for you to step into them. First things first. Business first, right? Let’s get through this (step) so we can move into the more, I have for you. Stand, fight, and use me as your wrecking ball to plow through any obstacle that stands in your way. I love you, Jennifer. You got this. For those reading, I got you too. You will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.